Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Christmas and all that

As Vic and Bob once said, Christmas time. Mistletoe and wine. Children swimming in pits filled with brine.

Yep it's nearly here and the grumpy old gits amongst us are just starting to turn from Bah Humbug to Ah Xbox. I suppose Christmas is not all that bad is it? A week off work, see relatives you haven't seen all year, get a couple of presents. Yeah it's alright I suppose.

This year's been a bit topsy turvy up and down for me. I've had four short stories accepted, one of them from a magazine. Written one and half new books and 21 short stories, a few of which weren't bad. Next year I'll hopefully finish the assassin book and start work on the one after that, probably a police detective one or maybe a PI. I may even re-write Spies, Lies and Pies again.

So, merry christmas one and all. Thanks for reading my little musings and as it's christmas, here's a little story I wrote in March or April. (apologies in advance for the swearing)

Bored Meeting

“So then,” said Jeff, “are we all buying into this?”

“Ahuh,” Sally replied, “I think it’s important we stay ahead of the curve.”

“Oh yes,” agreed both Jen and Sara. Sally scribbled a shorthand note in her filo-fax.

“The worry, for me,” Calumn piped in, “is that we’re not evolving vertical relations with our end users.”

“Oh ya,” agreed Jen enthusiastically.

“Maybe we could commission a focus group to explore this avenue?” Sara timidly asked.

“Good call Sara,” said Jeff with a smile.

The others nodded in agreement.

Jeff’s mobile rang. “Guys I’m so sorry, I just have to take this call.” Answering with the words, “Marcus, hi”, he walked from the room.

A brief silence gripped them.

Calumn was the first to speak. “While Jeff’s out, I’ll take the opportunity to pop to the little boy’s room.” He left the room smiling.

Once Jen was sure he was out of earshot, she spoke, “Worra bunch of fuckin tossers, did you hear them?”

“Evolving vertical relations, what a twat,” said Sara.

“Did you hear me, I got in a ‘commission a focus group’ that’s ten points ain’t it Sal?”

“Yep, well done. Scores on the doors so far, girls. Sara twenty five, Jen ten, me five. Piss poor show by me really, but can’t get a fuckin word in edgeways with that twat mincing on about buying into this and raising the stakes on that. I’ll raise his fuckin stakes, the lanky streak of piss.”

Sara giggled, “Shush they’ll hear.”

“Fuckin let the bastards,” said Jen, scratching her arse. “It never used to be like this. We used to talk properly about stuff and things. It’s all these fucking courses and seminars they keep sending the twats on.”

After waiting for Jen to finish, Sally continued. “Right, well we’ve still got leverage, blue sky moment, 360 degrees thinking and, would you believe it, we’ve not had maximising the incentives for stakeholders yet.”

“I tried to fit in it earlier, but it’s a hard one to get in,” said Jen.

“Yeah, not really relevant today is it?” agreed Sara.

“Is any of this relevant though?” asked Sally.

They all sighed.

Calumn knocked before re-entering. Sitting down he said, “Guys I just had a blue sky moment on how to maximise the incentives for stakeholders.”

Sara and Jen looked at Sally. They all mouthed the word shit.


One other little thing. I've come across a website that puts up short funny stories (max 550 words) They've very kindly put up Safety Begins at Home.

Merry xmas and a happy new year y'all.

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Snow Ideas

So I got stuck driving home just over a week ago. A foot of snow fell in an hour. I'm not going to go into a big rant about how the council never do anything and it's a bloody disgrace and all that. All it really did was make me miss my tea, get a bit wound up and make me lose my routine.

The routine in question is the one that was producing nearly two thousand words a day. I've not written a sausage now in just over a week. I have done a bit of editing on Too Big To Fail, and it's about ready to be sent. But it's the writing and ideas that have gone.

I had always thought I'd have december off from the next book, but I imagined I'd write a couple of short stories at the very least. But nothing's coming out. Makes me wonder just how much of this is getting in the right routine.

Talking of short stories, those kind people at Powder Burn Flash have accepted the story I rewrote into First Person a few weeks back. Not sure when it's going to be up, but I'll let you know when I know.

I'm going to force myself to write a short story. Looking at an old word file, there's a couple of ideas in there, namely: A cordless drill, a vengeful wife and three people at a bus stop. Sounds a bit like a game of cluedo doesn't it.