Batteries Aren't Included

New blog is up and running (if a bit bare)

Please head here from now on for reviews, news and a couple of old man rants if I get the time.

Prologue

As promised, chapters from The Spy with Ezcema. This one's the very start, prologue to give it it's fancy name.

In other news, I'm working on a new book, new website and a horsemeat related blog post. More details as and when.

                                                             Prologue

On the scale of going wrong, this had hit eleven.

Barry had been expecting trouble. Nothing ever went smoothly. But this? It should have been so easy. Break in, explore, and then get out.

            How was he to know February the fourth was a sacred day in the Free-Cutter’s calendar? Their annual meeting no less. The Memorial Hall was empty over three hundred days a year, but it was now rammed wall to wall with Free-Cutters.

            After entering, Barry and his accomplice, special agent ZX82, had paused in silence, mouths ajar, taking in the oak beams supporting the high roof, the mysterious floor pattern carved into granite blocks and the symbols adorning the walls. Decades, even centuries of historic and sinister meetings oozed from its foundations.

Now hidden in a dark cupboard off the main hall, Barry nervously scratched his arm. He’d been exploring with ZX82 when they heard the front door open. The panic had been instant from both of them. Barry had chosen the nearest cupboard and ZX82 was last seen heading across the hall to the larger cupboard.

One by one, Free-Cutters had entered. A small hole in the woodwork had given Barry a view of the room. There were now at least twenty people mingling about. If asked for a quick estimate, he thought none would be impressed by their illegal entry.

            The conversations died down. A single hand clap was heard. Barry’s heart beat faster than he thought possible.

            A voice spoke, “Brethren, welcome, by the grace of Ali-Catarri, third overlordum of the Free-Cutters.”

            The assembled throng replied en masse, “Verily, we is welcomed.”

            Though disgusted by their poor grammar, Barry was spellbound by the power of the voices. He was witnessing something very private. The pieces were finally falling in place.

            A different, more powerful voice spoke. “On thus special day, we is bound by the workings of Cumtata.”

            The masses shouted, “Cumtata.”

            The man continued, “Cumtata, Overlordum of Sepitata. Me offers you the ball of thanks.”

            Barry froze, remembering the old, much-used leather football he’d seen earlier in the other cupboard. ZX82’s cupboard. Not usually a betting man, he’d have taken any odds on it being this ‘Ball of Thanks.’ Barry shifted himself around the eye-hole, a Free-Cutter approach the cupboard.

            The masses cried, “Ball of thanks,” repeatedly.

            The cupboard door squeaked as it opened. The Free-Cutter, naked from the waist up, except for a trilby hat adorned with yellow feathers, looked into the cupboard, saw agent ZX82 and said, “What the fuck?”

Seven Daze - Announcement

I am absolutely chuffed to announce that Seven Daze is going to be published by Caffeine Nights. Obviously I'm over the moon that it's been accepted and can't wait until the release (which at the moment looks like being the end of May).


In case you don't know, Seven Daze is the story of Jim, an habitual criminal recently released from prison who tries his hand at contract killing. Messing up his first hit, Jim has to somehow find ten grand in a week to pay compensation for the carnage his failure created.




Here is a link to Caffeine Nights' website, they've released many books by writers I enojoy reading and I'm proud my next book will be published by them.


Thanks to eveyone who's helped with Seven Daze, the two people that read early versions of it and others who over the years have helped my writing.

2012 Best of Awards

Yes it's that time of year again. The annual Best of Awards. So grab a chair and a drink (though chances are you're already sitting), make yourself comfy (again, if you're sitting then you're probably quite comfy anyway) and read on (which you already are... I'll shut up)



Best Book I've read this year

To be honest, I haven't read that many this year what with one thing and another. However, I think it's got to be Stephen King's epic 11/12/63. As ever with his books, it's the characters that make it special, so life like.



Best series of online short stories by a writer that needs to have a book published soon

Mathew C Funk series at Shotgun Honey, here's one of them if you haven't read them.



Best "What chickens to keep in a zombie apocalypse" blog post

This post from The mighty My Pet Chicken Blog



Best Search Term to reach this site

in your head it is in your head in your flash in your mind in your blood

- Not sure what they were looking for, or how that actually found this site.


Most popular Search Term to reach this site

Blovel



And of course,

Best charity anthology of more than 35 stories

Off The Record 2 - edited by Luca Veste and Paul Brazill. Second year in a row that an Off The Record has gained this illustrious prize.